Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
