I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
