looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
