Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
