I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
