dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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