I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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