Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
This beer is not sobering me up at all
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
