she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
