pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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