Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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