Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
