so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
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Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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