My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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