They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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