Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
