Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
