She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
