Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
