Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Can you bring me the toilet please
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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