Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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