Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
