she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
