in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
