he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
