i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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