What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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