I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
