he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
