My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Randomize
