Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
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tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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