Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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