Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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