i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
