I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
