I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
