I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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