Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
