i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize