K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
