So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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