Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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