I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.