she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
