So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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