i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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