just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
