you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
