It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
