he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
