When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
