hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
