We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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