too bad you live with your parents still
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
