i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
