i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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