you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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