Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
