I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
