someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
