I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
