Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
