I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
