A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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