Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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