Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
