I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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