Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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