laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
