Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
