On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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