Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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