....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
