I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
