She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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